Positive Birth Story From A First Time Mom
BIRTH STORIES
As a first-time mom-to-be, I spent countless hours reading and listening to any birth stories I could find. Specifically positive birth stories, because, duh. I feel so lucky to have had a great labor and delivery experience, so I want to write about it in hopes of calming the nerves of any moms-to-be who may be reading.
While my delivery didn’t go exactly how I pictured it and it wasn’t “perfect”, I came out of the experience feeling empowered, strong & incredibly proud of myself. And with a little preparation and the right mindset, I know you can feel the same about your birth – regardless of how all the details play out.
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LABOR & DELIVERY EXPECTATIONS
For some reason I totally had it in my head that I would go into spontaneous labor at 38.5 weeks. Yes, 38.5 weeks – why I had the audacity to think I had any say in the matter… no idea. I pictured myself waking up in the night with contractions (something I had heard was very common), laboring all morning & calmly heading to the hospital when the timing was right.
I was looking forward to the zen that everyone talks about after getting the epidural. You know, ‘Oh, I’m having a contraction? I can’t even tell’, sounds amazing right? I went as far as packing TWO books (it has never taken me less than 2 weeks to finish a book lol), and my iPad with probably 100 hours worth of TV shows downloaded and ready to go. Needless to say, I was expecting the whole process to be pretty drawn-out with a lot of down time.
LAST WEEKS OF PREGNANCY
As my pregnancy was wrapping up, my doctor advised against going past my due date and suggested we set up a scheduled induction at 40 weeks. My whole pregnancy I told everyone how much I did NOT want to be induced. Even if I was past-due, uncomfortable & impatient, I wanted to avoid induction. But as I mentioned, I was certain I would go into labor on my own, so I agreed to getting an induction on the calendar. 38.5 weeks came and went, no signs of labor. All the ball-bouncing, curb walking and raspberry leaf tea drinking reeeallly didn’t come through for me like I’d hoped.
The days leading up to the “dreaded induction date” felt like some of the longest of my life haha. I flip-flopped between feeling impatient, praying I would still go into labor on my own, and soaking up the last days of it being just my husband and I.
INDUCTION
The plan my doctor laid out for us: The evening of the May 8 I would be admitted to the hospital and start on Cervidil, a pill used to soften the cervix and get your body prepared for labor. The next morning, I would be given Pitocin to really get things going. Shortly after that I would get the epidural. Easy peasy.
They checked my cervix when I arrived (I was at a zero) and I was given the first dose of Cervidil around 8pm. I had all the expected feelings of excitement, nervousness and anticipation as I got ready for bed in our hospital room. A little before midnight I started feeling cramps – a side effect I’d been warned about. Not thinking much of it, I tried to go back to sleep. Ah, had I known those would be my last minutes of restful sleep for the foreseeable future!
In what seemed like a matter of just minutes, the feeling went from period cramps to some of the most intense pain I’ve ever felt. Around this time I also got the ‘labor shakes’, basically uncontrollable shivering and shaking, which continued until about an hour after delivering my baby.
At about 1:30 AM I got the second dose of Cervidil and another cervix check, still dilated to a zero. I told my nurse that my contractions were picking up in intensity and frequency – many of them coming back to back. She told me “mild cramping is normal” with Cervidil. I’m sorry, not the nurse gaslighting me?!? Unfortunately, I am a people pleaser and didn’t push back. She offered me Tylenol to ‘take the edge off’. Spoiler: it absolutely did not take the edge off haha.
I asked when I would be able to get the epidural – hoping to get it earlier than originally planned. The nurse explained that I’d have to get the Pitocin first (which wouldn’t be happening until later that morning) and that I should be dilated to at least a 3 or 4. I started to feel discouraged for the first time. I didn’t know how I could continue with the pain, especially knowing that once I got Pitocin things would escalate and become even more intense.
MAKING PROGRESS
After a few hours of contractions, tears, some vomit and a lot of silent prayers for relief, the nurse came in for a cervix check, around 5:00 AM. She told me she thinks I’m dilated to a 5, but the baby’s head is so low that it’s hard to tell. She left to get another nurse to double-check me, and I was just so happy to be finally making progress! The other nurse came in, did the cervix check, and that was the beginning of the end. I’ll never forget her face when she looked at me and said, “No, you are actually dilated to a 10.”
TEN. To say I was shocked is a complete understatement! But in that moment, I also felt the most intense feelings of accomplishment and pride. When I look back at my experience, this makes me almost as emotional as the moment my daughter was born. I was never interested in any part of the actual delivery being ‘natural’ or unmedicated. Partially for fear of pain, and partially because deep down, I didn’t think I was strong enough. I know so many women choose to go unmedicated, and I always felt like they had some super-human gene that I was not blessed with. So, when I realized I had made it all the way to 10cm without an epidural, I was incredibly proud of myself.
The first words out of my mouth after hearing this were, “Can I still get the epidural?!”. I know I just went on about how accomplished I felt making it this far… But as a first-time mom, scared & having no idea what to expect, I wasn’t excited about the idea of straying from my original plan to push with the epidural. Not to mention the pain I was in, and getting some relief was sounding reaaaal nice. Luckily, the hospital I was at didn’t have any limit of when you could request the epidural, so I told them I wanted it ASAP.
It was a surreal feeling; laying in the hospital bed, breathing through intense contractions and keeping my mind calm as I watched 5 or 6 nurses scrambling around the room trying to prepare for the delivery of my baby, sooner than expected. My original nurse told me, “If you feel the urge to push… Don’t. Your doctor is on his way but if he doesn’t make it, this wouldn’t be the first baby us nurses have delivered.”
Normally that would have totally freaked me out. Maybe it was the shock of things moving so fast, but it was like I crawled into my own body and shut out everything going on around me. The opposite of an out-of-body experience – the most IN-body experience possible. I have never been so present, aware of myself, and calm in my life, despite being in the most pain I’d ever been in.
I attribute a lot of that to the books I read before birth (highly recommend this one as well as this one), and the months I spent reciting affirmations and practicing calm breathing techniques.
Related: Empowering Birth Affirmations to Calm Your Mind
The anesthesiologist came to place my epidural around 6:30 AM. For anyone out there nervous about it, like I was, let me ease your fears. IT DOES NOT HURT! Maybe it’s because you’re already in pain from the contractions… but I promise, it’s quick and easy! Trust me, I HATE needles and honestly all things medical, and this truly was not a big deal. The hardest part was holding still during the contractions. But if you implement some techniques for staying calm and relaxed, it won’t even faze you.
Because I was already dilated to a 10 and ready to push, the epidural didn’t have much time to kick in. It relieved the pain in my stomach from the contractions, but I still felt pretty much everything “down there”. I know everyone says that you feel pressure but not necessarily pain with the epidural. I felt the pressure AND the pain – although I know it still would have been more intense had I gone all natural, obviously.
THE FINAL STRETCH
When it was time to push, my doctor instructed me to tell him when I felt a contraction. For each one, I did three big 10-second pushes. I had a nurse holding each leg (although it felt somewhat unnecessary since my legs never went numb from the epidural) and my husband stood up by my head.
After being up all night, these huge pushes were exhausting. I had to muster up every ounce of energy and strength left in my body. This is the moment I look back on to remind myself that I can do hard things. I can push through even when it feels impossible. And you can too.
After pushing for 51 minutes (good news: it felt like only 20!) my sweet girl was born.
I felt immediate relief when the nurse put her on my chest. I was still coming out of the shock of everything happening so fast and the ‘holy crap, I just pushed a baby out!’ realization, but I was so relieved to be ‘done’. We immediately did Golden Hour and my husband got to do skin-to-skin after that. We just kept looking at each other like, ‘Can you believe a baby just came out of me and we are parents now??’. I remember being so amazed that this precious girl in arms was the same baby I spent 9 months growing in my body. Truly a surreal feeling!
WRAPPING UP
Currently 3 months postpartum, looking back at my experience makes me feel so accomplished and proud. It didn’t go exactly how I thought it would, but it was an incredible experience that I’m so grateful for.
If I can offer any advice to first time moms-to-be, it would be to have an open mind about the whole experience. Yes, it’s okay to have preferences and hopes for how the birth will go. But if it’s hard for you to let go of control, like it is for me, I really recommend checking out this book. It helped me realize that there is no ‘right’ or ‘better’ way to give birth, and the book comes with relaxation and affirmation audios you can listen to leading up to the big day.
I hope reading about my birth experience makes you feel excited and empowered for your own. You totally got this!
PS – Don’t forget to save this Pin!
Natalie
The Girl Kind
